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THE CHURCH COLLECTION BOX ROBBED! £4.5 Billion missing!

Reverend

Reverend

Retired Troll. Human. Not religious. Occasionally
Unlinked
Location
Lincolnshire, UK
Dear Wilco & TBJ,

It is with a heavy heart that I report the theft of the church donation box. 

The money I'd accumulated for the new spire and a pair of roller skates for poor, legless orphan Annie has been taken. I suspect drugs were involved: Not on account of the thief but on account of my crippling crack addiction that forces me to leave things unattended whilst I pass out for days at a time. 

I estimate the value of the boxes contents to be £4.5 Billion. This money was intended to make life on the island more pleasurable for all. Now that pipe dream is gone. 

Gone.

If you could compensate my private account with the missing amount (Or round it up to a nice tidy £5 Billion so my OCD does not drive me crazy) that would be appreciated. 

Thanks in advance,

The Rev. 

xx

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Where's my money? 

My original post was 7 seconds ago...

 
Orphan Annie just died.

I hope you're happy with yourselves.

 
A sad day indeed poor poor Annie ........ Save the poor orphans you heartless bastards.

 
A low key ceremony for poor legless, dead orphan Annie will be held on Sunday. 

Perhaps Wilco you could find it in your heart to help with the expenses for this humble ceremony? Initial expectations are to the tune of £3 Billion. It may slip a little over that. 

in total that is now £8 Billion you owe the church. If you could make the payment into my personal account, then I would appreciate that before I decide whether I can afford to shop at Altis Aldi or Altis Marks and Spencer for the refreshments and food for poor Annie's wake. 

Many thanks. 

The Rev.

 
I can offer my services as a Paul bearer for free for dear sweet Annie .... sadly my lunch and snacks bill will be in excess of 1 million pounds not including beer.

 
I can offer my DJ services for the crazy after party for the sad sad death of poor Annie. After all the strobe lights, lasers, hookers and cocaine you can add a total of 3 million.

 
Maybe now Wilco and TBJ can see how these things can escalate in cost and that my initial costings are far below the true projected financial expenses.

£10.5 Billion. Minimum. 

 
I can also offer transport services of the casket and of the grieving family.

But that will come at a cost of 10 million.

A small price to pay to remember poor Annie

 
I think the Scottish members should come along as a pipe band I'll bring the drums anyone play the bagpipes.

Cost 25m

 
Price: I think that assuming all Scotsman are bagpipe players / drummers is a bit racist towards the skirt wearing, whiskey swilling alcoholic, ginger, aggressive clansmen. YOU TAKE THAT BACK! (£20 million. Tops.)

DalVader: Can you bring the Deathstar? It was poor orphan Annie's dream to destroy a planet before she passed on and she never got the chance to make that reality. 

Grimjim: Trance and Hard House were Annie's favourites. No RnB though: She always said: "I fucking hate how rhythm and blues has basically become wishy washy pop music as  a vehicle for encapsulating black music and making it accessible to the mass market, thus devaluing the original art form of rhythm and blues from when it actually meant something." - She was so worldly for a four year old. *Sobs*

Ghostfire: The church of Altis can not sanction beer... We do have a lot of wine and firewater, however. If you can accept these terms then you are hired. Annie was quite obese though: She had no legs making exercise impossible and a crippling donut addiction so her 37 stone frame may require more than one strong man to carry her to the abyss we've been forced to dig for her.

Wilco: Look at these vultures trying to profit from the passing of poor orphan Annie... Where's my £10 Billion?

 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I think Wilco should give you 10billion and make you run the actual ceremony for young, poor orphan Annie.

 
Reverend said:
Grimjim: Trance and Hard House were Annie's favourites. No RnB though: She always said: "I fucking hate how rhythm and blues has basically become wishy washy pop music as  a vehicle for encapsulating black music and making it accessible to the mass market, thus devaluing the original art form of rhythm and blues from when it actually meant something." - She was so worldly for a four year old. *Sobs*
Click to expand...
Who even listens to RnB? I agree with Annie. She had such a way with words, it brings a tear to my eye.

 
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