Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. TheEnd & I are moving away to Stratis together! Have a great life!
——
Dear Ex-Husband and Pig
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your rejection letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 70 minutes, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping,too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with TheEnd, because I stopped eating pork 7 weeks ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that TheEnd had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 2.5 million pounds, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Chernarus But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
