"Oh my golly gosh, Sir. You seem to have been shot multiple times in the chest and head by a 7.62 rifle, however do not fear as I am an NHS member and therefore bring you back to life through mouth-to-mouth and CPR. Also, I will now remove the bullets from you using these binoculars and flicking my wrist at the side of the road. Forget surgery rooms and sterilised equipment, I will use the stuff I find in the back of my yellow truck boxer"
using this will almost certainly get you to CMO within a week of patrolling.