Psychel
Active member
So knowing that the NHS take seriously the condition of their helicopters, I took some helicopter flying training. I signed up for a flying 'scenario' I know this is not like the real thing, as this is a virtual world, and also there is no distractions, but at least I made several flights from a virtual Atheria to Kavala and back.
I managed quite a lot of flights before I started my shift so I was already a little tired. There was no was I was prepared for the carnage that awaited me.
So I logged into the NHS radio and spoke to the on line medics and asked them where they would like me to start. I must admit I thought I would be told to go straight to Kavala. To my surprise I was told to go to Athira.
As soon as I arrived at the hospital I got a call at the Airport. I checked the map and it looked like a massacre. I headed down to find out what had happened. There were so many people requiring help that I never managed to get a single story, however I think it went something like this. A PCSO was talking to someone when someone else came up to start an argument and killed the PCSO. The civvy then picked up the gun and started on the cop killer. The cop killer had friends who arrived in force, and then a policeman that was left phoned for help.
I think that was close, anyway fortunately the civilian waded in and helped. I must say that the police we extremely grateful, and spend a while giving their thanks. I would have loved to stay, but there were now 8 people calling for medics. I got on the radio and found out that some of them were on the road between the airport and Kavala.
I spoke to the other medics and we decided to each start making our way to the casualties from each direction.
I ended up treating a couple of people and then headed towards my colleagues.
After treating all the people we headed in convoy back to kavala.
Now this should be a simple journey, however the gods of Altis had a different idea. Suddenly all three of us suffered from a 'desync' episode. I saw Knez blow up in front of me, and I at least managed to pull over. Now our colleague in the Hatchback had driven ahead and also crashed into a wall.
I got out and thought it was safe to approach the vehicle, unfortunately in my quick reactions to help I was attacked by the flames. So that meant we had one flaming ambulance, two barbecuing medics, and our saviour was some distance down the road without a toolkit.
Ordinarily I can assure you we are a carful crew, and that we always have toolkits, however we had been busy on the roads so far today.
So we told him the only thing we could. "Run"
We waited and watched several cars drive past, and tried to ignore the laughing from them.
Eventually we got revived but now there we only 2 vehicles left. I deduced to go in the passenger seat as we travelled to Kavala.
Now our plan was to go to the hospital and re gear up, however as we passed the main square we saw pandemonium happening. I was dropped of to see if I could help.
Now I can't wait to eventually get a promotion to a Psychiatrist (hence the name Psychel). I have done some studying with my friend Doctor Crunsh. I described to him today the behaviour I saw, and this is what he concluded:
"From ve behaviour you told me about, ver the patient exhibits a need to vander arout placing carz in the vay of other persons, as cell as drivink into them vith a vehicle. I can conclude that they are suffering from vis condition called "Arse-hol-itist". The treatment for vis condition, is that of immediate removal from society, and placed inst a hole inst the ground."
Now I know that this may seem extreme but not only did he run over people repeatedly, he also made sure that vehicles blew up. This went on for over an hour. Now we contacted the police, but unfortunately they were all in Athira.
I must have spent 20 minutes under the wheels of this maniac, where he was driving backwards and forwards. My only thought at this time was when will I qualify and be able to help these people.
By know driving in Kavala was a nightmare due to the carnage of cars left. I would love the NHS man agent team to promote at least one of us night shift workers with the ability to impound cars.
So after what felt like years in Kavala, we all decided that we would have probably been safer in the red zone.
I almost forgot to tell you about one of the saddest conditions that I have so far witnessed. I was approached by someone in a wet suit, well approached was one description, more like waddle. He told me that he was suffering from very bad diarrhoea. It fact he said that his stomach was that bad, that all the earthquakes were caused by his bottom. Again I asked for a consult from DR.Crunsh.
"Vell this patient seem to suffer from several conditions. The first the magnetic attraction to sirens and flashing lights. Vis is vhat ve call "Bystander syndrome" or "I vhat a bit of action itis " This is treatable by moving the person out of Kavala. It veems to be a localised condition, for vhich I am trying to get funding to check the source."
"Ve second condition is "Ass-infectied large sphincter syndrome" This is where a person vho has or is a large sphincter, cannot seem to focus on anything else in their life apart from their bottom. The cure for this is several plum flavoured lollipops shoved in the area, until they know what it is actually for."
So I still had about an hour of my shift left, and I was listening to Knez talking about my blog when everything went dark.
I don't know how many of you are fans of red dwarf, but I felt like Dave Lister in the first episode. I called for a mechanic, but I could not contact anyone as even the NHS radio was down.
The conversation with the technician went like this:
"So what is wrong?" I said
"Its dead" Said the technician
"What the tyres, are they dead?"
"Yes the tyres are dead, everything is dead"
'What about the accelerator?"
"Its dead, everything is dead"
"Surely not the gearbox"
"Yes the gearbox, everything is dead"
"What about the windows"
"Ah now you are coming to what is wrong" That stopped me in my tracks.
"You mean the windows are not dead"
"Now the windows needs upgrading"
"What does that mean"
"Well when Windows need an upgrade, everything else is dead"
So here I was sat in my Mac, with a dead vehicle, no way of communicating my problems whilst I wait for my windows to be upgraded. I mean what do they mean upgrading windows, it already works, I mean I can see out of it so why can't I choose when.
So that very quickly ended my shift.
Gregory House / Psychel
Budding Psychiatrist
I managed quite a lot of flights before I started my shift so I was already a little tired. There was no was I was prepared for the carnage that awaited me.
So I logged into the NHS radio and spoke to the on line medics and asked them where they would like me to start. I must admit I thought I would be told to go straight to Kavala. To my surprise I was told to go to Athira.
As soon as I arrived at the hospital I got a call at the Airport. I checked the map and it looked like a massacre. I headed down to find out what had happened. There were so many people requiring help that I never managed to get a single story, however I think it went something like this. A PCSO was talking to someone when someone else came up to start an argument and killed the PCSO. The civvy then picked up the gun and started on the cop killer. The cop killer had friends who arrived in force, and then a policeman that was left phoned for help.
I think that was close, anyway fortunately the civilian waded in and helped. I must say that the police we extremely grateful, and spend a while giving their thanks. I would have loved to stay, but there were now 8 people calling for medics. I got on the radio and found out that some of them were on the road between the airport and Kavala.
I spoke to the other medics and we decided to each start making our way to the casualties from each direction.
I ended up treating a couple of people and then headed towards my colleagues.
After treating all the people we headed in convoy back to kavala.
Now this should be a simple journey, however the gods of Altis had a different idea. Suddenly all three of us suffered from a 'desync' episode. I saw Knez blow up in front of me, and I at least managed to pull over. Now our colleague in the Hatchback had driven ahead and also crashed into a wall.
I got out and thought it was safe to approach the vehicle, unfortunately in my quick reactions to help I was attacked by the flames. So that meant we had one flaming ambulance, two barbecuing medics, and our saviour was some distance down the road without a toolkit.
Ordinarily I can assure you we are a carful crew, and that we always have toolkits, however we had been busy on the roads so far today.
So we told him the only thing we could. "Run"
We waited and watched several cars drive past, and tried to ignore the laughing from them.
Eventually we got revived but now there we only 2 vehicles left. I deduced to go in the passenger seat as we travelled to Kavala.
Now our plan was to go to the hospital and re gear up, however as we passed the main square we saw pandemonium happening. I was dropped of to see if I could help.
Now I can't wait to eventually get a promotion to a Psychiatrist (hence the name Psychel). I have done some studying with my friend Doctor Crunsh. I described to him today the behaviour I saw, and this is what he concluded:
"From ve behaviour you told me about, ver the patient exhibits a need to vander arout placing carz in the vay of other persons, as cell as drivink into them vith a vehicle. I can conclude that they are suffering from vis condition called "Arse-hol-itist". The treatment for vis condition, is that of immediate removal from society, and placed inst a hole inst the ground."
Now I know that this may seem extreme but not only did he run over people repeatedly, he also made sure that vehicles blew up. This went on for over an hour. Now we contacted the police, but unfortunately they were all in Athira.
I must have spent 20 minutes under the wheels of this maniac, where he was driving backwards and forwards. My only thought at this time was when will I qualify and be able to help these people.
By know driving in Kavala was a nightmare due to the carnage of cars left. I would love the NHS man agent team to promote at least one of us night shift workers with the ability to impound cars.
So after what felt like years in Kavala, we all decided that we would have probably been safer in the red zone.
I almost forgot to tell you about one of the saddest conditions that I have so far witnessed. I was approached by someone in a wet suit, well approached was one description, more like waddle. He told me that he was suffering from very bad diarrhoea. It fact he said that his stomach was that bad, that all the earthquakes were caused by his bottom. Again I asked for a consult from DR.Crunsh.
"Vell this patient seem to suffer from several conditions. The first the magnetic attraction to sirens and flashing lights. Vis is vhat ve call "Bystander syndrome" or "I vhat a bit of action itis " This is treatable by moving the person out of Kavala. It veems to be a localised condition, for vhich I am trying to get funding to check the source."
"Ve second condition is "Ass-infectied large sphincter syndrome" This is where a person vho has or is a large sphincter, cannot seem to focus on anything else in their life apart from their bottom. The cure for this is several plum flavoured lollipops shoved in the area, until they know what it is actually for."
So I still had about an hour of my shift left, and I was listening to Knez talking about my blog when everything went dark.
I don't know how many of you are fans of red dwarf, but I felt like Dave Lister in the first episode. I called for a mechanic, but I could not contact anyone as even the NHS radio was down.
The conversation with the technician went like this:
"So what is wrong?" I said
"Its dead" Said the technician
"What the tyres, are they dead?"
"Yes the tyres are dead, everything is dead"
'What about the accelerator?"
"Its dead, everything is dead"
"Surely not the gearbox"
"Yes the gearbox, everything is dead"
"What about the windows"
"Ah now you are coming to what is wrong" That stopped me in my tracks.
"You mean the windows are not dead"
"Now the windows needs upgrading"
"What does that mean"
"Well when Windows need an upgrade, everything else is dead"
So here I was sat in my Mac, with a dead vehicle, no way of communicating my problems whilst I wait for my windows to be upgraded. I mean what do they mean upgrading windows, it already works, I mean I can see out of it so why can't I choose when.
So that very quickly ended my shift.
Gregory House / Psychel
Budding Psychiatrist
